Why Can’t You Parent Like Me?

This is a question many of us  struggle with and I’m going to address it in a short workshop for parents at the Embassy Suites in East Peoria on Saturday, October 24 and Sunday, October 25. Parents may choose one of the 3 time choices to attend – Saturday morning from 9:30-noon,  or Saturday or Sunday afternoon from 1:30-4:00. The cost is $50/couple or $30/individual. All materials and refreshments will be provided, and workshops will be held to a maximum of 15 couples. If you’d like more information, or to register call me at 309-467-4429.

As a parent coach, this is a question I get asked a lot! Well, actually it’s usually not as much a question as an accusation. One spouse reports that the style of the other is so dissimilar that it makes parenting together a real challenge. I’m here to give you some good news. You can have very different styles and still work together effectively.

In this workshop we will explore 4 different styles and do a short assessment giving each participant some insights about what each style invites from others. That’s a hard pill to swallow, isn’t it? We actually invite behaviors from others depending on our styles. We will also explore what each person needs in the way of encouragement when stressed. If you plan to attend, plan also to have some fun, to gain some insights about yourself and your spouse, and to feel more connected. Truth is, we do better when we feel better, and nothing is more discouraging than feeling like you are all alone. You’re not!

You may email me with any questions at dina@dinaemser.com

Even if you can’t attend, know that your child will learn a lot about flexibility in different situations from navigating your parenting styles. Isn’t is interesting how quickly children learn what’s acceptable when Mom’s home, when Dad’s home and then what happens to the plan when Grandma arrives! Clever little fellows, aren’t they?!

Happy Parenting!

Coaching to Make Meaning

Inventors bring lots of new things to our lives. They are creative and resourceful with a strong sense of social interest. They want to invent things that will improve the quality of our experience; things to make life easier, more efficient, and more fun.

In a sense, we are all inventors. We all seek to make meaning from the experiences we have in our lives. And we are quite creative about it. We are constantly inventing stories about what has happened in the past, how we either are, or are not, responsible for what happened. We invent rationales for doing certain things in certain ways, and we invent our futures based on the meaning we make of the past.

This is not a bad thing. In many ways our inventions serve us well. We all seek two primary social needs:  to find belonging with others and to feel valued. Making meaning of our relationships and experiences is an essential part of feeling relevant and making peace with our circumstances.

But, it is important to recognize that we are inventing. The truth we think we seek about life is actually more about meaning, and we assign meaning ourselves. No one can do this for us; however, having another’s perspective can be very helpful. Coaches are great at this.

For example, if you’re still holding on to a version of your life in which you play the role of victim, a coach can help you re-invent that story in a different way. After all, not all inventions are viable. There is no shame in junking an unsuccessful attempt. Inventors do it all the time.  Look at Thomas Edison. His eventual achievement was inventing not just an incandescent electric light, but also an entire system that contained 7 different elements necessary to make the incandescent light practical, safe, and economical.  He supposedly had over 100 attempts and worked for one and a half years, before he was finally successful in creating the incandescent lamp that changed the world.
So why not shed a little light on your own story, your personal invention? A coach would ask you some clarifying questions:
•    How is your current invention working for you?
•    Does it encourage you to see yourself as powerful, as important, as the author of your own destiny? Or does your invention portray you as a minor character, playing only an insignificant role in the story of your life?
•    Who are some characters in your invention that need to be written out?
•    What new script is required for your cast of characters?

A coach will help you take responsibility for inventing the life you want to live. There are so many options. Give up the fear that you will make a wrong decision. A coach can help you decide what you want and determine some small steps to get you heading in the direction of your desired results.

One reason the coaching industry is growing is that people are well intentioned. They commit easily to doing the things that will make a difference in their lives, and they fully want to follow through. But then life gets in the way, and they get distracted from their goals.  A coach is not just a good inventor, but is also skilled in understanding commitment.

What would it be like to have a trusted professional who will hold you accountable to begin living the life you’ve re-invented?

Tell me a fact and I’ll listen,
Tell me a truth and I’ll learn.
But tell me a story,
And it will live in my heart forever.

–Native American Wisdom

Believe in the Silver Lining

Change is a theme we’ve heard about a lot this year. Now that one fourth of 2009 has passed, how are you doing with the changes you were hoping to make in the new year? I like to check in with clients quarterly so they can assess how plans are coming and I am a fan of the plan, I must admit!

I have a feeling that 09 will continue to test our collective mettle.

Vision for a new year

Happy New Year! How are you doing with this one? Do you feel prepared – you know, with your list of things to do and ways to change? Did you slip easily into the new year, relaxed and ready to enjoy all that 2008 holds for you? Or did you come kicking and screaming into January as though you are already late for something?

Fear not! It’s ok. It may even be better than OK!

Time for a Change

I am very grateful for both of my children. Even at 20 and 24, they are a continual source of joy to me and I learn so much from them.

Yesterday at Sunday breakfast my son commented that he knew the new job he was just offered was right for him. When I asked him

Establishing a Practice

This morning I woke thinking about the word “discipline”. I actually spend a fair amount of time talking about this word in my work as a Certified Positive Dicipline Associate. But I usually speak about the verb which means to teach or to guide. Today I was thinking about the noun as in having the discipline to rise early each day and do something for myself like walk or write.

What does discipline give us? It always seems daunting. When I think of people who have “discipline”, I think of them in an awesome way like they are larger than life.

Kids and Chores

It is a beautiful fall morning in central Illinois, and as I was walking early this morning, I noticed a couple of kids who made me smile. I was thinking back over the parent talk I gave last week, and the teacher training I did over the weekend. In both settings, I talked about how important it is for each of us to feel a sense of belonging and importance. Without these two, it is hard to stay encouraged day to day. One of the ways I know to create this feeling with kids is to give them important jobs to do. Sharing in the family work of the household, and the responsibilities of the classroom and school, are important ways for kids to develop a sense of “I’m capable and I contribute in meaningful ways.”

So, the first example